Seriously?

It’s always the same story. Boy meets girl. and likes what he sees. Girl seems slightly disinterested so now the boy is really determined to win her over. Well, at least to go out for a drink or three. He keeps trying all sorts of things to get her attention. One fine day, numbers are exchanged. After a month of heavy persuasion - yes we’re talking about using charm, even trying his hand with chivalry and all of it, it finally works. The coffee date is what you’d expect it to be. Luckily the date is smooth sailing although there are the obvious clichés. There;s the cheeky smile and a little rub rub here and there. She keeps playing with her hair every now and then, and no matter how much she’d like to deny it, yes, she does burst out into a dumb blonde-like giggle. he leaves to use the men’s room and she sighs. It’s a happy sigh, apart from the first date jitters. i’m having such a great time, why did i hesitate earlier and why did it i take so long? she thinks to herself. As he returns to the table he suggests they extend the evening to dinner. She agrees and the rest they say is history.

Did she get her happy ever after? Let’s just say that no matter what you do or how much you try, you will never be able to understand what a man is really thinking about. but that is because they are quite the complicated creatures we proclaim ourselves to be. But then again, we re closed books.
So anyway, the date goes well and they vow to keep in touch because, they’ve both had a great time. then comes the text messaging marathon. It’s an exact replica of the date only the rub rub her and there is replaced by LOLs and JKs and the occasional random x x. Like wha????
And no, they’re no 17 year old couple. after that comes the calls which inveritably go on until the wee hours of the night. there was a night when they could hear the birds chirping. so thins goes on for another couple of weeks. In those weeks, they have indulged in the luxuries of fine dining, driven in fast cars and late night lattes. So one fine day after round the closk txt messadin - it;s probably reached a thousand or maybe more messages, she doesn’t hear from him. at all. Considering they’ve perhaps exchanged messages before they even got out of bed, this is definitely a cause for concern. Okay that’s an understatement. It’s a cause for panic! It’s nine in the morning and perhaps she’s on her way to work. Grabs a Cuppa Joe and settles down. Luckily, there’s quite alot of work to do today. So she doesn’t really have time to check her phone every 5 minutes to see if she’s received a text message from him. the clock strikes noon and she decides to take a quick break. she immediately grabs her phone. No, there;’s no message. so she decides to send him a casual message saying hello and the regular jazz.There;s no response for the the next one hour. She realises soon enough that the networks have been very busy today. So even after the network resumes, there’s no reply.
She gets back to work but somehow finds it diufficult to concentrate. at 5 in the eve, she gets a text message. it say hello back and that’s about it. She immediately responds telling him about her day and asks him what he’s doing after work. He says he has plans with his buddies. It’s a Friday night.


Friday night is poker night. She then makes plans with her girls. After the month long stint, she doesn’t get a text message from him as expected around midnight.
So she gulps down a Kamikaze shot. it’s 2 am and she’s headed home. and there’s no call or message from him. In her stste, her judgement is clouded and decides to give him a call. there’s no answer. and so she tries again. still no answer.
The next morning, she doesn;t hear from him. and strangely enough, she doesn’t hear from the whole day. She’s left confused with no response or answer of any sort. it’s a saturday night, so she calls her friend who lives across town over for a male bashing session/consultation.
The two of them sit all night discussing the situation while also trying to make sense of it. Unfortunately nothing adds up and backtracking doesn’t help either. 2 bottles of wine later she decides to call him again. No answer. So she resolves to switch her phone off for the night. All of Sunday, she spends time on her own and the day goes by. Come Monday morning she decides to be non-chalant and aloof about everything. And that’s exactly what she does. Two days later, she gets a text message from him. the message sounds as though nothing happened at all. But that’s the thing, nothing happened. He just mysteriously disappeared. She wonders what to do. There’s too much work to do today and she couldn’t be bothered about it right now. Later that night, she replies to the text message but her tone is very monosyllabic. She has a million thoughts running through her head. Then he replies saying we need to talk. So he calls her up and they have a conversation. The conversation ends in tears. She doesn’t hear from him again and she doesn’t have an inclination to get in touch with him either.
A few weeks later she meets a really cute guy and it’s the same story all over again. Boy meets girl. This time, she likes what she sees.......
Seriously, what is the world coming to? So what was that all about? The reason why he so conveniently played Houdini? He thought things were moving too fast! Wasn’t he the one who was persistent on getting to know her, when she clearly wasn’t interested at all?

Women always fall for this. Every single time. The fake charm and chivalry works even on the most level-headed women. Seriously!

The Hopeful Realist

If I’m the one who ended things then why do I feel so miserable? I was the one who called it off and how come he moved on first? I know he had to move on at some point. But so soon? Where was the grieving period? I deserve some amount of mourning. I just know I do.
I know I deserved to be treated right in the end. This only goes to show that you’re damned if you call the shots and if someone else calls the shots. Love hurts either way. This ‘hopeless romantic’ tag is out the window.
Is it because I’m just too nice to hurt someone else’s feelings? Is that why I always walk away empty handed? No one can answer that but me. I can’t feel bad about the things that are beyond my control. But at the same time, I really wish things were different. I want to get over this very miserable phase in my life and move on. I WANT TO MOVE ON. No matter how much I want things to be otherwise, realistically the only option I can choose is to move on; even if I have control over the universe, I’d still choose to move to the next phase. Its true when they say that you’ll only meet someone new when you’re heart is a vacuum. Then only can you make place for them to fit in.
What bothers me though is that it has been one disaster after another. I used to be optimistic about one person for everyone. Now, well, not so much. He wants to be friends and tell me things like he still cares about me and such. It just makes it harder. I did move on. He tried convincing me otherwise. Until one day I reciprocated and that crashed and burned just a tad. It is impossible to be friends with somebody who does not know how to be a friend. Perhaps I could slip in a line or two about my own conquests. But I know how demeaning that is. Even thought I want to hurt him back, it is just not in my nature to actually hurt him intentionally. I broke it off because I needed my time to figure out myself. To rediscover me. Not because I found someone else.
All this ranting is making me a bit nostalgic. That’s the other thing about life. Love fades. But the good times are burned into our memory forever. However, for now, I want to forget.

The Plan

When I was thirteen, we had a group of missionaries come to school for two days of recreational learning and fun and games. Of course fun and games here means singing songs about God. Every activity that took place during those two days, remains a blur except for one - The one where they had asked us to write out a ten year life plan.
Okay I’m exaggerating. (can you expect thirteen year olds to write out a long-term plan?)
They has asked us where we see oursleves in ten years.
That was the first time I had heard about a plan like that. I can’t recall what I had written though. One line I somehow remember writing was that I see myself as a ‘successful business woman’. That was quite strange actually considering three years before that, I had wanted to be a doctor since I was five. It was all I ever knew then. I still remember playing with my doctor’s kit. So after the whole wanting to be a doctor phase, I wanted to be a make-up artist. That was for a year or so and then after that I toyed with the idea of a career in architecture. Funny how neither of the career options I mentioned were never taken into consideriation after I finished school. School in this case is the tenth grade.
So yes back to the idea of being a successful business woman. I reckon I wrote that down only because it was the easiest option. No explanation required. To be successful in business you have to know some form of math. Or do you?
Accounting of any sort was something I had to learn as basics. However, I didn’t want to. I had a theory - When I do get my business up and running, I shall hire an accountant to do it all for me. Thus, to pass and get to the next level, all I had to do was to get a mark that would help me get by. They’re numbers afterall and I had and still don’t have the urge to strive for perfection in that area. I actually know someone who has a degree in engineering (although it took him a very long time to complete his course) and now runs a marketing company. The trick? Big bucks! And of course start off with a partner who has expertise in the field. In this case expertise refers to a very small amount of knowledge in the field. And also Big Bucks. The result – Big Bucks times two and international holidays. Sweet.
I guess the saying holds true; we must be willing to let go of the life we planned for ourselves, only to live the life we have waiting for us. So how does it work? Is it true that life happens while we’re making other plans? Let me retrospect. Most of the plans have worked out. And life was always about the plan. This would be educationwise. Opportunities sprung up. I took a few of them also adding some risk for spice. Met some great people along the way and not so nice ones as well. Maybe the encounters are the unplanned aspect. Thus meeting people you’d like to take with you on the journey and those you’d like to leave behind. Perhaps joining them on their journey and of course getting bumped off after a while because the carriage was full. I’m referring to using a carriage here because I don’t have a job yet thus I don’t have money to buy a fast car. Besides when you get to the car stage, you can only take a few people with you. This means that as you grow older, you filter out your life and lose friends rather than gain them. Which makes sense because thirty something year olds don’t go out to make friends. However, they’re lucky if the few that are continuing the journey have bee there for a very long time. Think from wagon, to bicycle, to school bus – you get the drift.
So back to the plan part. Do we need to have one? What ever happened to living each day s it comes?it should probably be rephrased as living each as it comes as planned. There are those unforeseen circumstances. Financial crises, relationship dramas, deaths, illnesses and of course indecisiveness about the next step.
What do you when your parents compare you to your friends. It is bad enough that people who barely know you or who have nothing better to do, do it, can you imagine your parents doing that to you? I never seem to understand why they’d put you down rather than guide you or advise you. Some parents measure their own success by the success of their children. I’m no parent but I definitely know that is not the way to go. I never compare myself to my friends because everyone is doing very different things. Afterall how is success measured? Is it by the number of degrees you have? Or the better job? Or the marriage? Or number of children? Or by beauty? Who makes the norms? Just by comparing me to my friends (who they’ve never met and of course when they do, are extremely judgemental) goes to show the lack of success as a parent. Just as what makes a good parent? Money loving parents or family caring ones?
How does a person who has not been a part of almost all my life suddenly try to be a part of it? I don’t think it works. There is obviously a disconnect. There is no bond and no common ground. At one point you were buddies. Then it all disappeared just like that. Almost two decades later how is it going to get better? The distance will only grow longer and the awkwardness even more prominent. It’s very strange then, when the parent tries to dictate your life and only want you to do what they want you to do. After which they add – ‘I’m only trying to guide you’. But you must do it, they say indirectly. They ask you what you want to do and then when you tell them. They turn a deaf ear as though your plan has no substance. However when you tell them what they want to hear, the joy never ceases to go away. Then I think to myself, is this what I want? I’m at a stage where I want to start my new life and do somethin for myself. If I don’t do what I know is best for me how will I be happy and thus successful? It is time I think about myself and how I want to see myself in ten years. I just need that push and once I get it I know I’ll do well. How do I know that?
Because I want to.

Life is a Spiral Staircase

The aim is high. The journey is endless. It seems so far away. Whether its up high or downhill, life is a spiral staircase. You always have to take care with every step you take. Miss one while going downhill and you'll slide pass a few and end up with a big bump.

Unsaid words

Someday you'll look up and barely conscious you'll wonder if something is missing. I know you won't cry for my absence because you forgot me long ago. Was i so unimportant or insignificant? I know you won't try for me, even though I'm the sacrifice. At least not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, you'll never say it.
I know what you do to yourself. I breathe deep and cry out.
If I bleed, I'll bleed knowing that you don't care. If I sleep just to dream of you, I'll wake without you there.
But now you belong to the clutches of the past. Soon, a distant memory. But something I can't forget.

Footsteps in the Snow

Love is like footsteps in the snow. Like footprints in the sand.
They leave an impression but only for a little while. Sooner or later the wind blows in and it disappears, or is washed away by the sea. How far will the trail go? How long can you follow it for? YOu'll never know.
Just the way life is. In a way it is great. Which means living life on the edge where nothing is permanent.
It is sad, then you realise that nothing is forever. so do we have to live life in fear that this will end tomorrow? I guess it all depends on the choices we make. Do we let things on the outside ruin what we have with someone else? Do we get tempted and take things for granted? That is how things don't last forever. Efforts taken disappear and go unnoticed.
Even a small apology means nothing at all. It can't be fixed. Its just too little too late. the footsteps have disappeared with the wind.

†o ße REåL

Ever get that feeling when you look around you and everything seems unreal?
It's like an out of body experience. In a split second you can't recognise anyone or anything at all. You ask yourself, where am i and who are all these people standing around me?
Most of the time it feels like you're a stranger amongst a thousand people. Even amongst people who you call friends, you feel alone. You don't know where you are and most of all, you don't even why you're here.
It is a great feeling though, when you have someone you can trust. Someone who perhaps is your only friend. When you're with them, they remind you of a happier time. And that there are better times to come. Just a touch on your hand, a reminder that they're there for you in times of need. To share your thoughts and feelings.
Its that one person who will remind you what it is like to be real.

People need people

I'm not sure what to write about, that's why I havne't thought of an appropriate title just as yet. Well for starter's there are quite a few things that really annoy me and get me worked up. The fact that there are people who are so dependant on others. Not for materialistic things but they just can't be alone. Every minute. I'm not being judgemental but this is probably the beginning of alot of issues for them. They look at spending time by themselves as a bad thing. As though it's a sin of some sort. I think they need to understand that when they're feeling blue maybe a little introspect is better. Other people can't be available for them all the time. It's just an observation. I can't do anythin about it.
So just some random thoughts actually. People tell you things and don't mean it at all. Well that happens all the time also. Nothing is what it seems. Somehow in a crowded room so full of people, everyone is just a stranger to each other. Hoe well do we really know anyone around anyway? How well do we really know ourselves for that matter?
People who are afraid to move on and rather still dwell and seek revenge cannot move forward because they think that they are lost without their bitterness. They are pretty comfortable with it that it has become a part of who they are. Instead of focussing on themselves, they're feeling antsy because somehow the scores haven't been settled. No wonder they're miserable.
But it's true, people need people. We just do. I'm no Psychologist but we need them to share our feelings with, to share our experiences with them and so that they become a part of the kodak moments that we want to take with us for the rest of our lives.

In WondeR

It's sometimes difficult to deal with issues alone. Although they are our own, I guess we can always do with someone to hear us out. Which can sometimes leave you wondering where your friends are in time of need. Even your best friend. Are we a bit apprehensive even to just pick up the phone and dial their number? Is it our ego? Or are we just afraid that when we do get a chance to talk to them, we have nothing to say because we don't know how to. Anyway, there are people in my life who's attitudes just keep changing all the time. Are they afraid to open up? Or are they just unaware that in some twisted way, they're blocking the people who really care about them out of their lives? That leaves me thinking. Why are they like that? There are just so many things to tell them but when the time comes you just don't want to. It's like they're in this weird mood and so you just don't feel like telling them anymore.
Number one you're in a sad state of mind. Number two they make you feel like they're not interested. My point being, why should I be there for people all the time? Every single time. Every time they need something. Evertime they need someone to talk to. to share everything funny and sad. Where are they when I need them? They're nowhere. Puts things into perspective. They're there when you wanna have fun and a few laughs. But to even spend the holidays with. They don't make you like you belong. Makes you wonder doesn't it?

The Last Time

Do we ever know when it's the last time? When will we know the last time we'll ever meet someone or the last time we'll ever talk to a person? We'll never know. We'll never know when it's our last day on earth or when we'll breathe our last breath. It's very surreal to think about it and also overwhelming. The last encounter will always remain in our heads as long as our memory allows it. Memories, good or bad, that last time with someone or the last time time there was contact or anyting else will always com of 'what if' questions are asked or we regretting about the oast wishing we had spent more time with that pesron or wishin we hadn't taken them for granted. e to us. It'll be the first thing we'll remember when we think of them. Is it the most memorable? In our minds it's a preferred way of connecting the memory with. That last moment. The reason why we never forget that last time is because it makes us think. That one moment makes us look back and wonder about the unknown. A lot of 'what if' questions come up. We end up wishing we had spent more time with the person or wishing that we had never taken them for grantted. The last time we cried, the last time we laughed so hard or the last time we had a great time.
But looking back, thnking about the last ime time with someone always makes me sad and leaves me in wonder. So most times wheni'm doing anything, whether it's talking to someone or just hanging out woth a bunch of people, I'm always wondering if this will be the last time ever. It's a scary thought although it's good in a way because you'll really live the moment and enjoy everything about it. As they say, live each day as though it were your last.

Dealing With It

If we don’t take responsibility for our actions then who will? What I don’t understand is how people can be so delusional and not accept the reality put before them. What can someone do to help them realise it? Perhaps there will never be an answer to that. My question her is, how can one blame someone else for the way his or her life has turned out to be? That’s the way life is, in the sense that whatever we have planned does not always work out for us. We have to accept things the way they are and learn to adjust. In the same way, we can’t expect others to change unless we do. For every disappointment in life, there’s always a reason behind it. Most times it doesn’t make sense. How can we understand someone’s behaviour? Is it the up bringing? Is it the people who they are surrounded by? Did they inherit that trait? Or was it circumstantial? Everyone in the world has to go through a number of hardships. I think that perhaps every single one of us has been given equal opportunity and equal failure. The only thing that makes them unique is how we deal with situation. Since we are all given equal opportunity, then it all depends on whether we find it or choose to overlook them.
As a child, I often wondered what the future had in store for me. What would I be when I grow up? Where would I live? What would I look like? All of the time I had a picture in my mind that I would be happy. However, it turned out to be completely different. The picture is hazy and the future is blurred. There doesn’t seem to be a reason to look forward. Everything is saturated and mentally taxing. In such a situation, I’m helpless. Unable to help the ones around me who are in danger of getting their feelings hurt and unable to help myself from negative forces. The important thing here is that will they ever let go? Will we as humans ever are able to let go of the fears that are holding us back? Or rather, taking over our lives? Only those brave enough to face those fears will be able to say yes. The others will dwell in the past and look for many reasons to look for self pity. What is the outcome of all this? Is there any outcome to begin with? I’m thinking not. The world today is such a place where the sad are getting sadder and the poor are getting poorer. How to we deal with this? Taking responsibility and trying to look for a better way to live, would be one way. It’s difficult to change someone’s beliefs and principals. So let nature take it’s own course.

ALL †haT Jåzz

The way I see things is very simple. Opportunities are put before you all the time, you just have to read between the lines and look at the big picture. So what do you do when there's something out in front of you? Grab it and enjoy the moment because this is the only time you get to work around it. No regrets then. 'Oh I should have done this and I should have done that. All that jazz.' And when things happen around you that are totally going to get your mind thinking and thinking and thinking, a good idea is too just let it fly by. Let it go. It's not worth being thought about. Once you let them just fly by, you'll completely forget about it. So what's the verdict this time? Nothing. Everything is just as it should be.

As the Days Go By

As the days go by, I often find myself wondering about the next step. Are we too afraid to take the next step to achieve our goals? Personally, I think the answer is yes. For me, I sometimes find it difficult to complete a task. Any task. I wonder why? Somehow, I'm afraid of the feeling of achievement. Because after achieving it, then what? It's just a thought that crosses my mind every now and then.

Said Goodbye to the Old

Well it's a new year and I've said goodbye to the past and I'm welcoming the new. Closed one chapter and starting a brand new one. It's a wonderful feeling to experience the 'newness'. Just like a breath of fresh air. Take each day as it comes, I say. Sometimes you just have to take things at face value. Like a breeze. I think if we want to erase some bitter memories of the past, we should leave the past behind and move on. That's the goodness of the new year. There's always hope and an oppoortunity to start afresh. Even when you feel as though the people around you aren't giving you another chance, time always gives you another chance to start over again. So here's to a brand new year. Let's hope this year is better than last year. Cheers!

We Have Wasted The Unknown

The one thing that I fear the most, is the Unknown. For some reason, it just does. Unceratinty is what really takes the mind to a place of unpleasantness because we are always creating scenarios in our head. That's what causes us to worry. Ever ask yourself the 'what if' question? This what I mean about wasting the unknown. Sometimes you just don't know what would have happened if you didn't make a certain move. It's a great feeling to know that you have the right move. You always think in your mind that a certain event wouldn't have happened of you didn't make the move. Just like in realationships. It's a great feeling to know that you had explored the unknown. You feel happy and content. It's time we start living it up.

Time just passes you by

It's that time of the year again, when you reflect on the past one year. You ask yourself if you have changed. Changed for the better or for worse? You evaluate your relationships and the people you have come across. We all go through ups and downs in life. This year, I realised something about relationships. You have to choose one person and make it work. Just one. If you don't feel a connection and if there's no chemistry, then don't get into the relationship. Don't date someone because you're bored, the relationship just becomes sparkless. Well, it just goes like, if you don't feel it, then don't. Relationships are not a hobby.

We Will Never Be Alone

There's a popular belief that there is always a someone made for you. That is true. Just believe in it and you will find just how wonderful it is. I haven't really experienced it but i believe that there is someone for each one of us in this world, just waiting to find us or for us to find them. Believing it makes it more of a reality sooner or later. We will never end up alone. People are alone because they choose to be alone. They have closed their hearts to any form of goodness and love. Perhaps they were betrayed ot deceived earlier. But life goes on and we have to start hoping for better days to come. Waiting for the One really drives you crazy. But in the end it is worth the wait. Some people find the right person early and some people find them later on in life. But at the end of the day, we do find them. It's a great feeling because we have found our reason.

We Are All Waiting

We often wonder what is our purpose in life. People die, relationships don't. Do we spend an entire lifetime wondering about things that could have happened? We are all looking for love. We are all looking for the one. Someone who will rescue us and take us to a better place. The one is the person you are not afraid to lose at any point in your life. No matter where the person goes or what they may do, you jus know that they will come back to you under any circumstances. That person is the one. When you love someone, you tell them that you do. If you wait then the moment just passes you by. Don't let the moment pass you by because that moment can change your life forever. We are all waiting. Waiting for that special someone to spend the rest of our lives with...

Eveybody's changing

The only thing constant in this universe is change. Well apart from death, change is something that we know is going to happen at any time. We expect it. Everything under the sun changes. One of the biggest changes are behaviour in human beings. The people around us. Some people change for the better and some people change for the worst. Change always had an affect on people, whether its is good or bad. Everybody changes, sometimes they just forget to tell us that they have changed.
What do we do when the people that mean the world to us suddenly change? Move on I guess. Its the only way to say that "yeah shit happens, but what are you gonna do about it?" Some people just change overnight and the reason is unknown. No matter how hard you try to find out the reason, you cannot. The person has changed and you probably are not on the same page. You have become different people. Its sad when they change, its even worse when you dont know how to handle the overwhelming change.
But it is a part of life. What kind of life is it when you are living the same everyday?

acquaintance, friend, lover?

You took your coat off and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that
I watched from my window
Always felt I was outside looking in on you
You were always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather
Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see
This is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees
These foolish games are tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You were always brilliant in morning
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee
You philosophies on art, Baroque moved you
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar
You'd teach me of honest things
Things that were daring, things that were clean
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back
Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you
Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself
These foolish games are tearing me apart
You're tearing me, tearing me, tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
You took off your coat and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that

Passion

What is life without passion? What is life without individuality? What is individuality without passion? Life is nothing without passion. Life does not exist without individuality. It is dull. Having passion is like breathing air. Being passionate about almost anything that you do, that is life. Even if it is just painting or driving to work. Great passion is like an explosion of energy. Life become powerful and full of energy. Be passionate.